Running time: 51:47 mins
Intro
Actual advert for Tom’s Happier Scriptwriting course followed by old radio instructional on how to do customer service.
Theme
TC wishes to learn more about Crowley Towers, a broadcasting studio as of old, but before that the HQ of the British Libertarian Association. His emails to the borough council are bouncing back as it has been turned into a Tesco Metro (“Tesco: It’s time for yes!”).
Saveloy has been working there for decades, man and boy, including working for the libertarians, until they didn’t pay him because “employment is a prison”. Saveloy opens The Tape Room, which hasn’t been opened since before Roger Moore was Prime Minister.
They find an old film projector and set it playing (first sketch).
They find old VHSs including “Blind Date Ben Kingsley episode”, “Richard and Judy Double Diarrhoea Blooper”, “Kramer versus Kramer all-nude edit” and a commercial (second sketch).
A reel-to-reel machine with playback is marked “Debbie Doncaster 1963” (third sketch).
Saveloy remembers a time when single-use plastics were burned on the school playing fields, not thrown away. He looks for a long-lost cassette. It’s not the one marked “Telly Savalas Kazoo Concert”. They find a DVD marked “Satellite Channel 587 (2003)” (fourth sketch).
Gwen has left a tape for Saveloy to say goodbye to their love, as she can’t leave Henry so is going to Angola with him to help him save the endangered, frilled, man-eating, rat-lizard.
Plug section with Wesley Westchester: 1. Article for British Comedy Guide on Consolevania; 2. A2Z podcast for kids; 3. BBC Sounds “Thanks a Lot Milton Jones” S6E5.
Sketches
(7:32)
Laurel and Hardy-style old timey film but with Stan and Ollie talking about a Facebook hacker, including discussion of ads for Ray-Ban’s and references to Meta, Mark Zuckerberg, Shazam, Luddites (not from Lancashire). The policeman they ask for help doesn’t work in cybercrime. The old comedies really hold up and aren’t as dated as you might think.
(12:34)
Toys ‘R’ Us advert for Sega Mega Drive’s new game, “Eric the Cantona” (he must go fast). Free Old Trafford from tyranny! Available in a bundle with a 6-pack of Carling.
(15:31)
BBC Radiotropic Workhouse interview with engineer/composer Debbie Doncaster and her tonal poem “Dear Nigel” about her ex, who has been “entirely chucked”.
(22:35)
Reggie and Reverend Mitch of Bubbaquanset County discuss the importance of eating your vegetables. Not tomatoes though, as they are from hell: “wicked sinful baubles”. An instructional tale follows of young Kaylee Hoffenransom from the Rev’s congregation, who ate tomatoes prepared by an unbeliever cousin at a party and then her father’s fax repair shop went out of business within a year. Also watch out for light-up sneakers, which are turning your children into musical theatre people. Sponsored by Sacred Heart Hunting and Murder Supplies.
Answerphone
(14:30) Caller ranting about TV being the beginning of the end for society.
(20:42) Request to see a programme they once saw feat. a bare lady riding a cow around a funfair.
(28:20) Caller’s favourite telly memory is the Royal Variety Performance 1965 feat. Val Doonican.
Correspondence
(Sorting Room opens at 28.50)
Saveloy complains of being taken for granted in his job in the Sorting Room.
- Luke Malkin in Bolivia is waiting for a kitchen from Shinbone Entrepreneurials and enjoyed the live experience in episode 31.
- Andy Horton visited ‘behind the scenes’ of Crowley Towers (he was very ill) and saw the vats where the characters are grown.
- Peter Shanks thanks TC for episode 31 and worries his wife will leave him because of his Chuntley impressions. His wife, Sam, has in fact left a comment on Patreon about being a Crowley Time widow. Mike Shinbone is on the phone to tell Peter to pay more attention to his wife (and also corroborates Luke’s story about selling kitchens in Bolivia). * Letter of the Episode *
Next episode when?
When Tom has figured out how to change the tier settings on Patreon.
And remember
Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. But tis better never to have contracted a sexually transmitted infection than to have had one and lost it.
Chuntley Buffingham
(35:24)
Chuntley’s first appearance on TV is on a VHS in the Tape Room: S3E32 of “Constable Charlie” (ran for 30 years). He was fresh out of RADA when he made it. We learn Chuntley’s middle name is Descartes. He plays a young anarchist ready to topple society until Morag from the station shoots him, giving him the opportunity to put a little pizzazz into his death scene.
Crowley Time Wiki 