Crowley Time Wiki

Running time: 13:29 mins

1. A.M.A.-s

A.M.A.-s

Mr Christmas takes over the Crowley Time airwaves.

You might never have seen the like of Mr Christmas before, and not just because of the tusks.

Over 2,000 of Mister Christmas’s brothers before him, who he ate.

Tom run ragged making 2 billion fidget spinners (so 2016!). Told to go and make 2 billion wooden trains instead.

Get to know the grotesque old elf behind the holiday.

AMA = Ask Monsters Anything

Questions come in on Twitter (Mr C refuses to do what Alan Musk tells him and call it X).

1. Louise Robb (ed note: it me!) asks when Noel Edmonds will be back on TV on Christmas Day morn and what Mr C gets up to at that special time. Mr C is not human so tries to grapple with the concept of Edmonds but admits to enjoying Mr Blobby. His Christmas morn consists of celebratory vodka shots with Tom and the elves and then sleeping for 4 days.
2. Gemma Arrowsmith (from episode 28) asks what the true meaning of Christmas is (A: material gain) and whether Mr C has two Naughty Lists (A: scurrilous rumour, there are both Naughty and Nice lists, why else would Tom and the elves make two lots of sacks – one filled with nettles and drawing pins for the naughty children). If the identical hessian bags gets mixed up, it’s Tom’s fault.
3. Max Kreisky asks what is the ideal toy and why – nice little choo-choo train, little red chimney pot. Why? Who hasn’t dreamed of being a train diver… (Mr C drifts off into a reverie).
4. Purple Strawberry asks whether Mr C will still visit them to gift a panini press when their spouse has blocked the toilet with a Bailey’s-derived log. A can of worms is opened. The Naughty and Nice lists are kept secret to avoid bribes and threats from the likes of Suella Braverman and Paul Rudd (who went pretty naughty and let his dog crap on Javier Bardem’s front garden). * Letter of the Episode *

Mr C’s reindeer need their sugar cubes for energy: Dasher, Nguyen Hue, and Keith. Tom is strapped to Keith to guide the way with his Google Maps, even though his hands will freeze in the snow.