Running time: 61:41 mins
Madrigal
Tez Tucker, billionaire, interrupts two actors playing Mr Clematis and Mr Bloatley, performing a piece about keeping a factory open backed with ye olde Joy to the World music in the background. He pays off (one of) the actors and announces Crowley Time is now the property of his streaming service, PlusMaxGoExtremeFlavour (owned by Tezco). The service has had a 54% drop in subscribers so Tez is replacing Crowley Time with a provincial crime drama.
Madrigal episode starts at 5:52
Little Wounding museum (in Little Wounding, an incredibly small Gloucestershire village) curator Smandrew Smendrick and Miss Hewn, the cleaner, discuss how happy and alive he is, until he is murdered by ‘you’.
Madrigal in ‘Sponge-glass’.
DCI Paul Madrigal and Constable Crump discuss the new sergeant starting that day, Trovey Bucksheath (no relation to Thackery Bucksheath). Madrigal’s likes: darts, red wine, model airplane kits and nobbling killers.
The Superintendent (Madrigal’s ex-wife and arch-rival in the darts league) welcomes Sergeant Bucksheath to Little Wounding from his previous job in the rough and tumble of Newcastle. He’s fine with the move cos there’s a Greggs in Little Wounding.
Madrigal and Bucksheath visit the scene of the crime at the museum and speak to Mrs Smendrick, who thought her deceased husband a pathetic idiot who she would have loved to have killed, so they arrest her.
Bucksheath notices the victim was bludgeoned to death with bullets.
They visit the Turgid Saddler pub and the Marineros gang come in dressed as late 16th to early 17th century sailors. Bucksheath mentions ‘Elizabethan’ and Juan from the gang takes offence, as they are on the side of the Spanish King Philip. Bucksheath wonders if their interest in history might have something to do with the murder at the museum. This sets off Madrigal to go into his Brainball machine and determine the spyglass is the key.
—
(22:03)
Tez tells Tom that Madrigal is testing 100% across the demographics. He accidentally calls it ‘Morse’. Detective shows are like Margot Robbie wrapped around Call of Duty, popularity-wise. Honda as the advertising taste-maker of the world that Tez is chasing.
—
Madrigal continues at 24:04
Madrigal and Bucksheath are at the museum. Little Wounding used to be famous as the manufacturer of the hole reinforcers for ring binders but the internet put paid to that, which causes Bucksheath to question whether the show is set now, in 2023. Rural England just seems olde worlde.
Sir Francis Drake’s spyglass’ case lid is on the wrong way round and there’s a gun in the case. Madrigal discovers it’s a replica spyglass made out of cake that is moist with deceit: a tarte de Santiago (traditional Spanish dessert).
Madrigal and Bucksheath go to the mansion house of Little Wounding’s most famous resident: celebrity master-baker Don Chuntley DeBuffingham, who is very proud of his Spanish heritage, but what would he know about a gang of roughshod sexy heroes like the Marineros? Don Chuntley says he’s never heard of a tarte de Santiago and has never made one on his TV baking shows (e.g. Pudding on the Ritz and Who’s Got the Weirdest Penis and Can Make a Flan?).
Madrigal and Bucksheath put their theory about Don Chuntley to the Superintendent, but she advises caution because DeBuffingham has done so much for the area: the DeBuffingham science wing at the school, restored the local park: DeBuffinghamstead Heath and cleaned up the beach: InDeBuffingham Bay. Madrigal has added Fleetwood Mac to the list of things he likes. The Superintendent (not called Trixie) describes the ‘thing’ between her and Bucksheath, which he seems oblivious to. Madrigal goes into his Brainball after being offered a crisp by the constable (cue: nacho cheese gag) and decides salsa is the key to getting in with the Marineros.
—
Madrigal continues at 39:33
Madrigal and Bucksheath are in the biggest salsa bar in Little Wounding looking for the Marineros. Skellanora Profanicata, formerly of the Scott Street Skulls, a hardcore goth, has pivoted nautical in her outfit of leggings and a sextant and makes Madrigal cross by insulting darts and darts players, which results in Madrigal ‘leathering’ everyone in the bar. The beast inside him, Mad Wriggle, took over. Skellanora tells him Don Chuntley is behind everything and something will be happening at Greenwich Pier to commemorate the 8th August 1588 defeat of the Spanish Armada, exactly the sort of place a disciple of the Armada would want to make a scene. Madrigal/Mad Wriggle needs to calm down from his enraged state so Bucksheath goes to the shop to get him a red wine and an airplane kit.
Back at the station, Madrigal asks the constable for the keys to the weapons room and to book him a ticket to London, but outlines the many advantages of the Trainline app when the constable isn’t authorised to book travel.
The Minister for Expensive Jingoistic Pageantry introduces King Charles and Queen Camilla (with thick Scouse accent, colourful language, and handiness with a box cutter) at Greenwich Pier but is interrupted by Don Chuntley (star of the hit competition show, Britain’s Got Yeast and ambassador for Askance, the charity for boss-eyed children) who wishes to become King Chuntley I of England. He takes out Sir Francis Drake’s spyglass and tells the crowd he is a descendant of King Philip of Spain. The Minister spots the ships of the Neo Armada coming up the Thames and Don Chuntley instructs his Marineros to seize the King. Madrigal appears and arrests Don Chuntley for the murder of Smandrew Smendrick, shooting him when he reaches for the spyglass.
The Superintendent arrives with a VHS copy of Don Chuntley’s show Shot for Dessert-tion, featuring Les Dennis, which proves he knows how to make a tarte de Santiago. Don Chuntley stays alive just long enough to hear this, before dying on a guff. Madrigal slaps the King for dereliction of duty in not taking care of the nation’s all-powerful relics. The RAF takes care of all the galleons coming up the Thames because our weapons are better now than they were in 1588.
—
Madrigal’s credits are cut off at 54:30 by Tez shutting down production because Honda are not interested in the show (they will not endorse anything that foregrounds the Gloucestershire police). He plans on ‘pulling a Batgirl’ with Crowley Time but Tom persuades Tez to sell it back to him for all the money he has plus power of attorney and image rights.
Thomas Nelstrop/Tommy Music made the music for Madrigal, which can be found at patreon.com/crowleytime.
1:00:01 Honda executive endorses a Constable Crump spin-off.
Correspondence
(35:35)
Tom and Saveloy are in the Sorting Room talking about the latter’s weekend with Melania and her Rubik’s cube. Crowley Towers has been commandeered by Tez Tucker’s team for the Madrigal media empire, including a phone app ‘matching Madrigal character faces’ game, a workout regime series, and a spinoff about the Superintendent’s sexuality and mental health. Saveloy is now working for Tez Tucker in the Contracts Department, negotiating the back end with NBC.
- Email from Penny3 who has had Living in a Box living rent-free in her head since episode 28. Tom hopes Trovey Bucksheath appearing again in this episode will please her. * Letter of the Episode *
Next episode when?
When a huge corporate acquisition doesn’t completely ruin the integrity and quality of the product that’s been acquired.
And remember
A dog is for life, not just for Christmas. A cat is forever, not just for Easter. But a hamster … that’s for the hamster to know.
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