Running time: 37:12 mins
- Intro
- Keywords
- Answerphone
- Correspondence
- Next episode when?
- And remember
- Sir Chuntley Buffingham
- Link Tangent
Intro
Platform 1 announcement of delay to 10:22 to Bridlington: mattress on the line outside the station but only one employee who has to stay in the office, last day on job, looking forward to a can of M&S Prosecco with the vacuum robot.
Keywords
The year 202X at The News Precinct
Antagonist: Lance Freefall
Emily Maitlis in Bad Maitlis
News vendor on street corner robbed – saved by Bad Maitlis but confused by Sheffield/Full Monty non sequitur
—
Mr Christmas in Hawaii drinking fruity cocktails and smashed out of his bean reminds the listener about the merch available at crowleytime.com
—
Back to Bad Maitlis (19:39)
Mikey, Gearshift and Patrice, businesspersons who work for Lance Freefall
Nobody wants impartial news
World belongs to the corporations, like Freefall Corp.
—
Mr Christiansen and Mr Musgrove on a fine St Wilibrod’s Day
Paper published in ledger on subject of man in God’s image and whether perfect or not
Insults: lallywit, preening futtock, rullicking gruntwaller, tottering tatmeister, thistle-minded gadgebadger, trot-botted plod throttler, hilted stotweasel, pilloried big dillory, wet-livered titmouse boiler, effaginating thruck, boff-winded cod husband, not a very nice person (Dave also said he was horrible)
End bit (36:10) goes back to Mr Christiansen receiving a letter from Mr Musgrove calling him a thrusting mudfarmer, a swaggering bollock elf, tod-guzzling pustule, which delights Mr C on this very merry St Mechtilde’s Day.
—
Back to Bad Maitlis (28:44)
The Chief was Lance Freefall’s agent
Freefall accuses Maitlis of going private despite being a staunch defender of public interest
John Riley (Sky News), Michael Jermey (ITV), Esme Wren (Channel 4) all now work for Freefall
Emily will return in Bad Maitlis 2: Worse Maitlis
Answerphone
1. Ad for drinking petrol as a pick-me-up.
2. Drink petrol if you’re fed up of doing your taxes.
3. Drink more petrol if you’ve already drunk too much petrol.
Correspondence
[Sorting Room opens at 24:30]
Saveloy and Tom remind the listener not to skip over the Christmas episodes. Saveloy deals with the stress of Christmas by getting pissed.
1. On Twitter, Max Kriesky says the Winter Social Attack episode restored his spirits.
2. On Twitter, Tim Mitchell quotes from the Malcolm bit of Winter Social Attack and wishes Tom a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. * Letter of the Episode *
Saveloy gets stuck in the loo with a broken lock.
Next episode when?
When Geri Halliwell genuinely first forgets for a moment that she was in the Spice Girls (probably in a few months as Tom taking some time off).
And remember
There sometimes is a point in crying over spilt milk. Variables: volume of milk, where it was spilt, whether you have lost any possessions or people in the milk deluge. Use these to draw up a Milk Matrix to decide whether there was a point crying or not.
Marco DiPoni
(Timestamp 9:16)
AM in the Morning with Andy and Mandy
Marco is currently at His Majesty’s Pleasure serving a 6-month sentence for public indecency, inappropriate contact with a member of the House of Lords, possession with intent to sell human remains and conspiracy to commit treason while under the influence
Wickham’s men’s prison in Surrey, rebranded by Chanel as Wickham Prison Pour Homme
Marco on a video link says he was framed
Drinking toilet wine in prison (vodka with garlic and rosemary croutons)
Three months into sentence
Selling a skull of William Pitt the Younger (with a hole in it) to Andrew Lloyd Webber
Married to an artichoke in 2014 for 5 months (Marco truly loves food)
Italian Olympic team breakfast: beef carpaccio and cheese omelette (minimum)
Porridge with honey and raspberry compote is disgusting slop
Kirstie Allsopp has been visiting Marco to provide what he has been missing most (tits)
Prison recipe: Cigarettes peeled with sharpened toothbrush handle (found in back of Gregory the Snitch), collect brown filling in a mop bucket, season with salt and pepper spray pinched from The Filth, roast over a roaring flame made from bed-clothes and Mantel, Hilary from the prison library, add a litre of toilet wine, simmer for 6–12 hours until thickened/lumpy, serve in a tin mug with crusty bread/face flannel
Simon Cowell keeps breaking in
Crowley Time Wiki 