Running time: 25:32 mins
- Intro
- Named Characters and References
- Keywords
- Answerphone
- Next episode when?
- To help me … go to patreon.com
- And remember
Intro
Man humming and flicking through pages. Presses intercom and asks, ‘Mrs Gilderdale, is it Crowley Time yet?’
Named Characters and References
Connor (Vabimba seller)
Hector and Lydia
Mayor Megabyte in Crystal City
Nervous Beyoncé
Richard Beam/Dick Beam
Keywords
Vabimba Shampoo: cheap, biodegradeable, non-toxic, but incredibly cruel. Lab-boys do gratuitous acts of cruelty to chinchillas, small puppies and tapirs.
Give Us The Gist Theatre at the Pat Routledge Theatre, Chester. ‘Bite-size productions, full-size prices.’
Dad’s advice to kid to stop bullying at school. Say, ‘thank you Daddy, more please’.
Hector’s ‘condition’ where he turns into a cute dog at the full moon.
Hits On The Move: very best of songs you hear out of passing cars. Coming soon, Motormouth: the best of snatches of podcasts you heard out of passing cars that make you wonder whether the driver is a dangerous person.
Year XD9, Crystal City. Cyberaugmentation. New drug Mondo Heroin, 90% unemployment, 100% pollution. But the wifi is excellent, everywhere. City ruled by Mayor Megabyte, a cybernetic tyrant. But he did install the wifi. Kids can’t play on the streets. Except for play centres the Mayor installed, which have helped schools and reduced crime rates. Are you tough enough to come and liberate… actually don’t come, we’re good, leave us alone.
TC gets a spam call from ‘HMRC’ saying arrest warrant being filed for unpaid tax and police car arriving.
Man telling story about going to Tallahassee and getting job as horseshoe tosser. The man thinks he’s American, but he’s not, he’s from Sidcup.
Nervous Beyoncé concert.
Richard Beam, Executive Director of a major Metropolitan Art Gallery, struck by lightening in a sensitive part of his anatomy. Can now fire high-powered energy beams from that area, and fights crime as alter-ego Dick Beam.
Answerphone
1. I understand you’re looking for very brief things. Here is a short story. Asked for directions to self-checkout and attendant pointed at a mirror.
2. Don’t like obsession with short things. Attention spans ruined by social media. Son looked at phone during LOTR extended trilogy so written out of will.
3. ‘You want short things do you? Here’s something short for you…’ Man can’t remember anything. Sings McCain advert song. Doesn’t help. Eventually remembers what it was – ‘wanker’.
Next episode when?
When McVities finally acquiesce to my letter writing campaign and releases an Olympic Javelin size 8ft 6 tube of Jaffa Cakes.
To help me … go to patreon.com
Fund my prototype 8 ft Jaffalin.
And remember
A stich in time is an absolute open goal for a direct-to-video sequel to Lilo and Stich, one which I cannot believe was never produced. There have been three direct-to-video feature-length sequels to Lilo and Stich and not one of them was a time-travel story entitled A Stich in Time. What in God’s name are these people doing?
Crowley Time Wiki 