Episode 18: The Last Crat (with Rufus Hound)

Running time: 55:45 mins

Guest

Rufus Hound (Dr Norman Manifesto)

Intro

Knight wants to take a dozen men to the Crest of Stark – gets interrupted by TC because there is no time.

Named Characters and References

Walter Jeggings Crat, his father, Jasper Mania Crat, and mother, Millicent Jeggings

Thaddeus Onion Crat; Godfrey Paul Crat; Lord Peter Crat: Phillip Accident Crat; Daisy Crat nee Duboos; Opal; Ruby; Basnasite (?); Amber; Margaret (Shinbone)

Ilyia Kazan (?)

Orson Welles

Mike Shinbone

Mike Shinbone’s mama lives in Brookmire Lane

Michael Parkinson

Dr Norman Manifesto

Bronda from NY Dept of Records

TV Show – The Records Queen on Bingo TV, Thursdays at 9, cancelled

I Dream of Jeanie

Book – The Ankle-Biter Trade: New York Baby Farms of the early C20th, by Prof Wendell DeWitt

Danny DeVito

Keywords

TC had a ‘brain bee in his mind bonnett’ about the name Crat.

– Ep 2: Cratsville was brainchild of Lord Peter Jacob Crat of Dorking

– Ep 12: ‘This is a good one, the Crat Works satin brass’ (doorknob)

– this podcast’s soundtrack album, Discount Bin, Track 8 is The Humper by Walter Jeggings Crat

If TC going to investigate the Crats he needs corporate sponsorship – Mike Shinbone. 1) Mobile Animal Shelter, 2) Squareshin website building and hosting service, 3) Shinbone Kennels.

TC puts Crat into google and discovers it’s a name for a special type of pornography involving ships’ anchors, feather boas, and ladies standing on plinths.

Wiki page about Crat family with link to interview with Walter Jeggings Crat on Parkinson in 1974.

Thaddeus Onion Crat (b. 1799) founded Crat Works (metalsmithery), then became a slum lord. Son was Godfrey Paul Crat (b.1835): ‘innovative use of child labour’.

400/520 doorknobs in Buckingham Palace are from Crat Works.

TC gets help from Dr Norman Manifesto, Assistant Director of Historic Oddbods, Overexposed Photographs, and Big Old Iron Keys.

Early C14th, first piece of graffiti on Stonehenge – “Crat”. Curse of Stonehenge for defacing the stones. An angry mob removed the defaced stone and carried it 13 miles to Milford-on-Sea and threw it in the water.

What happened to Cratville? Burnt down in 1940. Lord Peter died a week later.

Phillip Accident Crat (b.1868; d. 1915 of exhaustion), Peter’s younger brother, was on passenger list for The RMS Titanic, and on the rescue vessel, The RMS Carpathia.

TC rings New York department of records.

Bouncing Baby Crats Adoption Service (founded 1913, closed 1915) by Phillip Crat and wife Daisy Doobus (?) (b.1889).

Phillip and Daisy put up own four daughters for adoption: 1) Opal (b. 19th Feb 1913; d.1987) adopted by Massachusetts Soya Bean Magnate Orville Vandenberg & wife Betty. Opal married a soya bean called Marcus; 2) Ruby (b. 12th Nov 1913; d. 1944 of liver failure), adopted by Broadway theatrical production magnate Martina Infantina & husband Guy de Bon Frere; 3) Basnasite (?!) (b. 28th Aug 1914; died in late 20s) adopted by illegal drug trade magnate Big Papa Papadopolis & wife Mitzy; 4) Amber (b. 22nd May 1915; died 2016), adopted by real estate magnate Martin McMertree (?) & wife Martha. Married Larry Arcwelder and had daughter Margaret, and grandsons Mike Shinbone & brother (who is dead).

TC rings Mike who is on Bristol Bridge with improvised explosive devise strapped to chest and tells him he is The Last (male) Crat. Mike’s mum’s house blows up and Mike can claim the insurance.

Next episode when?

As soon as TC has had five minutes to lie down after putting all this together.

To help me … go to patreon.com

Fund my diving expedition off the coast of Milford-on-Sea to find those missing bits of Stonehenge.

And remember

The past is another country, so if you’re planning to visit the past you’ll need a region-specific adapter for your phone charger.

Mike Shinbone

See Characters & References, and Keywords

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