Running time: 19:00 mins
Intro
Mr Christmas introduction with Germany WWI football chat in German.
Swims up through plumbing to leave a soggy satsuma on your head.
Outro with Tom being tortured by Mr Christmas as first a German guard and then a Japanese one.
Named Characters and References
TC does advert for Discount Bin
Mary & Roy, and Patrice (Conductor no. 72 of the Union)
Rupert the Bear
DJ Crumpet at the Ministry of Jiggle in Copenhagen
Ricky & Davy and Michaelangelo
Link Tangent
Keywords
Dr Jen Sugden asks how early is too early to put up a Christmas tree. Wingnut’s mum – first day of advent. Wingnut’s dad – Jainism, a life of asceticism and celibacy. Compromise – tree up 1–Dec + guilt about having things
@ghostinthebathroom from Twitter asks if they should invite an awkward new boyfriend to family Christmas with their loud and weird family.
Wingnut’s neighbour Mr Williams, a grumpy bastard/a bit stern with a red face and sticky-up moustache. Wingnut worries he will have a Kodak arrest. Ornamental Elvis gnome knocked over. Diplomatic mummy sorts with cup of tea.
Kate Onyet asks how not to become a social pariah by missing essential Christmas TV. Mummy wants to watch ‘that chess programme on Netflix’ and daddy wants to watch Tinker, Tailor…
Alex Fernandez asks what punishment should be meted out to the writers of ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’. Wingnut doesn’t know the song and prefers ‘The Wheels on the Bus’ (with sleigh bells).
Thomas Jancis asks what to leave out as a snack and drink for Father Christmas. Wingnut suggests a burrito (a bit bad for you but not too bad).
James and Mark Shettinhelm both ask if it’s okay to peek at a present or advent calendar early. Impatient Ians. Jesus will know and be a ‘stinky look’ level of cross with you. When Wingnut has a naughty thought, he writes it in his secret book for reference.
Quickfire section
Sarah @thegeekycrafter on Twitter asks how many mince pies it is acceptable to eat in one sitting. A: Most days = 4 / Christmas Day = no limit.
Felix Trench asks what to do when you run out of wrapping paper. A: go hog wild with plain paper and red pen.
Rosie Fletcher asks which Quality Street is best and why are people rude about the pink one. A: Wingnut’s daddy says it’s cos they’re jealous (but usually only when they’re being rude about his car).
Justin asks about a guinea fowl>chicken>duck>goose>turkey stuffing and which bird is next. A: ostrich.
Rena asks about eco-friendly alternatives for giving coal to naughty children. A: leaves.
David K Barnes asks if ‘Die Hard’ is a Christmas movie. A: I don’t know.
Duncan Gates asks why people hate his cover of East 17’s ‘Stay Another Day’ sung in the style of Graham Crowden. A: see previous answer about jealousy.
Max (31) asks what to put on his Christmas list. A: Nintendo Switch.
Gemma Arrowsmith asks: angel or star on top of tree. A: Both or hideous combination.
James Curtis asks why devils on horseback are a thing. A: pork
Andy Goddard asks how many gifts are too many for your dog. A: 9.
John Raine asks what the best Christmas is. A: 1824.
Phil Cotterell asks what Wingnut would like for Christmas. A: he has been a good boy helping people (even if mummy and daddy wish he would spill the T less). He only asks for people to be kind/a toy spaceship.
Future questions go in his in-tray with a pic of Thomas the Tank Engine on.
Wingnut
See all of the above
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