Episode 12: Small Plastic Bacon Interactions

Running time: 38:36 mins

Intro

Out of breath person demanding of a stranger that they tell them what time it is

Named Characters and References

Winston Churchill

Hastings Lees-Smith (Leader of the Opposition)

Rick Astley’s ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’

Keywords

Apology because of the trying times

—–

‘London at War’ radio broadcast

Hobbes family picking through bombing rubble

Cabinet strategy to pretend London isn’t being bombed

Haggerston whelk vendor

Churchill speech

Laughing Matt Hancock

(end of ep, Churchill speech continues)

—–

Special Investigation

Vaughan Crickette

Janey, who licks doorknobs on video

ODPR (oral doorknob palpation response)

Oral hygiene

Dugup forum (serial killers caught on it)

Subforum ‘Uncomfortably Comforting’

Answerphone

Calling to complain (not about anything in particular).
ODPR is sooo 2019, should be filling mouth with rice and singing songs from ‘Hamilton’.
Same guy later says new thing is squeezing whoopee cushions full of yogurt between your thighs.

Next episode when?

When the flying ants achieve their goal of flying into each other at the same time to create the shape of a person, then getting a job at a promising tech startup.

To help me … go to patreon.com

Build my very own throne made of paper money.

And remember…

There’s no point closing the stable door after the horse has bolted unless it is a very bad horse and you want to make damn sure that bad horse doesn’t get back in.

Wingnut

(Timestamp: 8:25)

Ask Wingnut

Start-Rite shoes endorsement

Tabby, 33, furloughed from Marmite marketing job, playing video games, doesn’t want to go back to work

Wingnut knows about screen addiction, playing on his mum’s iPad

Wingnut’s dad in old photos playing Nintendo too close to TV

Ask a trusted adult to read you a story

Colin from Redcar, 56, dog Edith cuddles Colin’s wife even though Colin takes her out for peepee and poopoos

Wingnut’s friend Jerome and dog Rufus who favours Wingnut

@thestorybeast on Twitter asks where babies come from and where do they go?

Wingnut confused by photo of himself as a baby

Wingnut will be a giant one day, like his daddy who bumps into furniture and swears

Explanation of the beauty of childbirth (stork, North Pole, mummy’s toilet area, depidural, poo on table)

Secret drawer in kitchen full of knives

Should masks have Spider-Man on?

Sir Chuntley Buffingham

(Timestamp: 25:20)

Jack Cragthorne’s short-story “Kraken Won Out”

Call me Obadiah

Tickle the boatswain

Captain Mettias

Smuggling pickled cabbage and erotic literature

Ship’s cook pulled overboard by a muscular tentacle

Fancying (or true love for) a sea monster

The good ship Krakenfucker 9000

‘Full speed a-dread’

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